Grief is like a train that runs on and on. There are many stops where people can board, but none where they can step off.
I am reading a book called The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. It is a very emotional book that talks about the effect of the death of a 14 year old girl on the people around her. The book is narrated by the girl as she watches from heaven as the years pass by. A main point of the book focuses on the grief of her family and how, even after much time has passed, the impact of her death is still there. This idea of grief, on how it is actually never ending, is what I will be blogging about today.
The book started with the year of 1973 when the 14 year old girl, Susie Salmon, was murdered. Up to where I have read, the story has now moved to the year 1981 (or perhaps 1982). Through the narration of 8 years the people around Susie change drastically but through it all, grief still hangs over them. Susie's father who was perhaps affected the most, remains in a sensitive state where the slightest trigger can send him into misery. Susie's sister and brother who although seems better off than their father, still has to cope with the "aftermath" of her death and Susie's friends, can still be reminded of what had happened to her. Susie's mother also left the family to live by herself after her daughter's death. Though the characters act like they have moved on slightly, it is still very obvious in the book that the family has not moved on, and nor has Susie. She (though she was the one who died) is stuck "grieving" her own death. What I mean by this is that she too dwells in the past of being able to know what happens on earth even though it has already been 8 years since she arrived in heaven. She is obsessed with the events on earth and is therefore just as stuck as the rest of her family.
It amazed me how this was true, that even in 8 years, Susie and the people around her are still grieving. Some of the family members such as Susie's sister and brother, and Susie's friends, seem to have learned to enjoy the "ride" but they too, have not, and will not, be able to get off this "train". This though, is the same with anyone who's loved one dies. It is a one way ticket since the journey grief takes, is everlasting and though the pain may lessen, it never fully unlatches itself. The train only stops for the passenger, when they too "receive their own train".
For me, I'm not sure that I will ever be able to enjoy a ride on this train. To be able to take in the view of life rolling on out the windows and smile. Perhaps I would need to lighten my luggage but wouldn't be able to, being unable to throw away the self accusations of blame and the feelings of anger on why a person had to die, that were in my bag. Perhaps I would also never be able to accept that there is, for some reason, no service on this train, when I tried to dial the people that I missed the most. But most of all, I think what I would have the hardest time accepting, is knowing that I will have to board multiple trains while never leaving the ones I already rode.
Everyone has a reserved ticket since everyone must board one of these trains at some point in their life. It is an inevitable ride that depending on one's coping skills, can either be a prison or enjoyable. In fact, these trains are so "magnificent" that they can turn into an enjoyable ride even if it started out as a prison. It is the person's own choice though, for how they would like to ride this train.
Everything depends on the passenger for this train that is only, "all aboard".
Please feel free to comment.
